Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
