I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize