just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
