You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
