I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
