I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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