Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
