Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
