I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
