i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
