Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
