I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
