Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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