im drinking this country out of the recession.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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