This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
