One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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