I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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