I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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