sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
