hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
