guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I deserve this hangover.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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