ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
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So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
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My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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