I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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