Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
