My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize