You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
