dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
