With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
