I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
