No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
