that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
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Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
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The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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