i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
