Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
