I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
