he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
