What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
