You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
