A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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