$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
