whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
