never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
