Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
