When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
