i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
