is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Tell her she can't have a vagina
my phone needs a breathalizer
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize