Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
