You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
