So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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