True but thats because hes a fetus.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
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she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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