I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
