DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
