currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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