i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
