just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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