I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
When are your genitals available?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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