i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i think i have two assholes
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
17 year olds will be the death of me.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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