just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
