oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
