So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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