Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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