just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
