When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
