I'm really into asian looking animals
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
