my mouth tastes like poor choices
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
