If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
