I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
