I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
love makes seman taste better
no. you can't hotbox the world.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
