Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
