This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
