she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
