Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us