Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often