So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
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I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
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Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?