"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy