I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember