i think my tv is drunk
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i dont even know how to be here
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
