First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
