guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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