the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
