They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
