yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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