The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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