I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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