and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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