Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
