we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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