I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
