are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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